Begin Again

So here it goes, I have stopped writing for quite some time indeed, excluding the script I had to write for church in my dusty room when home was undergoing renovation so then I wrote about a typical family fight and sparks within it. There is so much that I wanted to say tonight, after watching the movie – Begin Again, it aroused a part of me which has not been called upon for so long as in not finding the time to recognize the irreplaceable joy I get from reading, writing, dancing and just enjoying every single bit of it, despite few people around me understand it anyway.

I rushed back home just to gather all the bits and pieces I have been getting these days, opened a bottle of my favourite Somersby Apple Cider just because I would always feel at ease during writing if I get to munch away. There were so many reasons why I have stopped writing and they were just excuses in the end and all my playwright course homework were literally just crap, I didn’t know what I was writing, what I wanted to write, what did I want to say. Just because I had so many doubts about myself.  I always find this peace state of mind expressing myself in English rather in my mother language Chinese. So as the project for next year is approaching (I did intend to rest more before wanting to start this), I will have to translate the script of reasons to be pretty by Neil LaBute for next year’s production so I started to read Neil’s previous work on the train today. He talked about his experience as his first story was put on stage, some audience angrily shouting ‘kill the playwright’ and he realized how his work would put such a response out there and realized how important it was for him to continue to exceed in this artistic education and polish his literature work. Then I realized that I was smiling, reading this little prologue of himself. What magic can your work do to people, how this exceptional joy of writing should be your motivation at all times, to never stop, never stop looking back at mostly crap work honestly, and just having yourself to challenge yourself and keep going. Then I asked myself why did I stop writing, why have I stopped doing something that I love just because of someone commenting “I don’t see talent in your work”. Then I thought of my companion from drama production who has been on-and-off endlessly trying to get me start writing again, in his words, “just start writing”. Oh yea, I wrote “let go as in just let go” sometime ago, then why can’t I just “write as in just start writing”.

I think I have always liked movies which talks about lost souls finding each other, healing in the process, especially when you are in a big city, hearts colliding. I live in a big city, lost city, found myself lost at times. I never thought that Keira Knightley and Mark Ruffalo would make such a good combo, not saying that there aren’t any better combinations out there, some parts of the story were rough yet the timings and chemistry between characters were very exact and naturally delivered. Even though Adam might not be good at acting but the soundtrack was just simply too good, the heartfelt feeling you need when you walk out of the theatre. This is all you need, at least all I need to get inspired again, motivated in doing something I love. Dance with your favourite music playing in the club, watch a good movie and shed some good tears, see the people you love and give them a warm hug, genuinely like someone for who they are, anticipate the future ahead as you meet some more companions along the way, read work from your favorite playwright, treat yourself a decent cup of coffee after a long jog, look up to see the clear blue sky that you have ignored for so long because you were too troubled by your own problems. Look past these murky times. You will, you will get there, as you look ahead, walk towards the road, never lose faith as I believe sincerity and passion will take you far. It will take you to someone who feels exactly the same as you do, allow this big heart of yours to give and continue to give more.

So here this is, a piece of me as I tried to pick up myself here and there, at times when life seems chaotic, draining, tiring, frustrating. Keep calm and dream on. It’s just a step I cannot take back.


As I was wearing my favourite starred pattern skirt (okay, I admit it was a bit too short) and denim jacket today, listening to Begin Again’s soundtrack when I was rushing back home, trying to get in front of a computer so that I can start typing, it’s ok to feel broken or upset at times, recognize that all these feelings are not worthless but it has let you become such a person today and continue to experience this life of yours which will bring you whenever to wherever.



Let yourself become someone who you are truly capable of being.




Please don't see just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies.
Please see me reaching out for someone I can't see.
Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow.
Best laid plans; sometimes are just a one night stand.
I'll be damned; Cupid's demanding back his arrow.
So let's get drunk on our tears.

[Chorus]
And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young.
It's hunting season and this lamb is on the run.
We're searching for meaning...
But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?


[Verse 2]
Who are we? Just a speck of dust within the galaxy.
'Woe is me' if we're not careful turns into reality.
Don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow.
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer.
Turn the page; maybe we'll find a brand new ending.
Where we're dancing in our tears.

[Chorus]
And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young.
It's hunting season and this lamb is on the run.
We're searching for meaning...
But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?

[Bridge]
I thought I saw you out there crying...
I thought I heard you call my name...
I thought I heard you out there crying...
But just the same...

[Chorus]
And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young.
It's hunting season and this lamb is on the run.
Searching for meaning...
But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?
Are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?

The Metaphor Room

Day 1
(Kelvin rushes into office with heavy breath. Loosens tie and sits in his own chair.)
Carly: (Turns to Kelvin) So how did it go?
Kelvin: What do you think?
Carly: I don’t know but you do look pretty awful to me right now.
(Alex slowly walks over to Kelvin’s and Carly’s seats)
Alex: What about this time?
Kelvin: I wasn’t really expecting anything much after all the shit we gave this client. You give them shit, they give you shit. You weren’t expecting that they will budge with just one soothing meeting.. Were you?
Alex: (Grins) Well, I am not surprised at all.
Carly: Kelvin, look. I mean there is obviously a huge gap between how TCG views issues and how things work around here. If they wanna be on board, then things will have to work in our way, right? I mean..so what do we do now? What do they need so they can really start paying us. I am tired of serving this client who’s not even paying us.
Kelvin: Guys, let’s just take this to a room.
Alex: Sure.
Carly: Great.
(All three of them goes to look for a vacant conference room, and the only available room is the small room in the corner which no one can see, normally used by Human Resources people who always wanted to keep conversations private and confidential.)
Carly: But this is the HR room though.
Kelvin: They aren’t even using it now. (Goes into room)
(Everything settles in the room with just three chairs)
Kelvin: Look, guys. I don’t even know where to start but I know that we’ve all been working so hard to close this deal, all the countless hours of research, drafting reports…
Carly: I’m glad you noticed.
Alex: Were they happy with the report you gave them just now?
Kelvin: It’s tough to say but I’m pretty sure one report is not going to be enough. Plus, they’ve been complaining that it’s taking too long for us to come up with some decent work.
Carly: They will get decent work once they start paying.
Kelvin: They are talking about how it is taking too long.
Carly: You can talk to my boss about that. I can’t do the approvals.
Alex: I wonder what happened with Maysons when they had similar requests as TCG now. How did they stopped asking for reports? They demanded the same - actual decent work. It seems strange to me that they’ve been quiet these days.
Carly: I wasn’t here when it was the worst times with Maysons. Actually I’ve heard some pretty bad things with this account before I joined.

Kelvin: I can tell you guys the stories but whatever is mentioned here, stays here.
(Alex smiles and Carly nods. Three of them sits closer together and Kelvin lowers his voice and mumbles.)

Carly: Woah.
(Alex and Carly leans back into their chairs.)
Kelvin: So for Maysons, they got tired of us. It was like raping, constantly but to a point that they grew tired of it as well. You can only f*ck someone for so long till you lose interest.
Carly: Kelvin!
(Alex chuckles)
Carly: (trying to look serious yet laughing) Was that necessary?
Kelvin: Sorry Carly. I had to say that even if you are here. It couldn’t be more accurate than that.
Alex: (Grins) Classic metaphor.
Carly: Oh yea, and given that we are in the HR room.
Alex: Yea, we can be reported for sexual harassment.
Kelvin: Come on, you get what I mean.
Carly: Ha, yes. You didn’t have to go that explicit.
Kelvin: As I always say, there’s no better way.
Alex: (Still grinning) To the point.
Carly: So what now?
Kelvin: TCG wants hardcore data, we give them that. TCG wants big, fancy wordings, we give them that. TCG wants extreme customer service, we give them that. So when it comes to what we want, we can go bang the contract on their table, get it signed, close the deal. Then all go for a drink after all this shit is done.
Carly: What do you mean by extreme customer service?
Kelvin: Like how extreme I can go with my metaphors.
Alex: (Grins) We all get your metaphors, Kelvin.
Carly: Yea, you don’t have to repeat it. Ha.
Kelvin: So let’s get to work and redraft this piece of junk, ya?
Carly: (Gets up and ready to leave) Who said that my work was junk?
Kelvin: Mr.Dovacs did say that in the meeting today.
Carly: That piece of shit.
Alex: Carly, I thought you just said that this was the HR room.
Carly. Ya, I don’t care. I’m going to slam the contract in their face after this.
Kelvin: Nice, she’s ready to get to work.
Alex: So let’s do a follow up meeting tomorrow. Work is going to be ready by tomorrow this time, Carly?
Carly: You bet.

(Alex and Kelvin gets up.)

Carly: Same time tomorrow, where?
Kelvin: This room.
Alex: (Grins) Yea, the Metaphor Room.

(Kelvin and Carly laughs.)

To be continued…

來，給我一杯Singapore Sling

打從二零一三年開始就立定決心想休息，留多一點空間給自己，不想在忙碌的生活中打轉，倒頭來發現自己沒成長。一月公司搞event，二月香港話劇團課程畢業，三月又公司peak，四月跟show排創典舞台的《我們之間》，五月去西葡回一回氣，六月公司又喪peak，加上很多零零碎碎的事。貶眼到七月，二零一三年過了大半年才發現自己沒有好好休息反倒是累到不能再累。有天晚上排完劇很累，還未睡著時我坐在床上想著，我可以這樣生活到何時？七月，一個人出走了五天的新加玻之旅。回來後，想把所見所聞有趣的小事都記錄下來。


五天假期出走一下，重整思緒，坦誠面對自己的不安與迷惘。劇場的引力越大，我就越是想要尋找一個新方向。早上八點四十五分，只是睡了四小時就挽著輕便適宜旅行用的Longchamp手袋，穿著牛仔褸碎花裙登上飛機，心情又緊張又興奮，不知道會遇上甚麼人或事。


「你自己一個去旅行？」，坐在我旁邊的陌生男人問道。「哦，對。」，其實我只想好好睡一覺。我累跨了，請不要跟我說話。唯有裝著睡著了，旁邊陌生的男人才沒有繼續說下去。早上十一時五十分，航班原定時間到達新加玻。


人是安全到了目的地，但我萬萬也想不到，自己唯一的行李卻捨不得香港，滯留了在香港機場。「你可唔可以話俾我聽點解成班機剩係得我嗰件行李留徂喺香港？」「唔好意思啊小姐，因為咁啱運送你件行李嗰條運輸帶壞徂，最後上唔切飛機。」真是有夠黑仔。好日都不會下雨的新加玻，在我坻埗當天卻在哇啦哇啦的下大雨不停，雨傘卻在我的行李內。身上只有銀包，相機和酒店的資料，我不安的跳上的士，往市中心的酒店check-in去。的士司機看見我兩手空空的走出機場就說， “Where’s your luggage?” “It’s still in Hong Kong. They left it in Hong Kong.” “What? Really?” “Ya, I know. Unbelievable, right?” 的士司機好好人，見我悶悶不樂又憂心衷衷就開始與我談兩句。他說新加玻很少下大雨，我說這在中國人的saying裡是「貴人出門招風雨」。我的手機快無電，他又借了車內的充電器給我。見我一個人去旅行又介紹了新加玻很多好去處給我，我倒是出發前甚麼資料搜集也沒有做。的士大佬見我雨傘也沒有，很有風度的為我撐傘由車門撐到酒店門口。這一世人都未曾遇過這樣好人的計程車司機，心情之後是有好一點，連聲說多謝。

五天的行程都離不開逛街，飲飲食食，與觀光一些最有名的景點。第一次獨自外遊的我，發現隨身甚麼也沒有帶，沒有當地地圖，加一個全程開著飛行模式的手機，感覺有點不安卻又很悠閒的周圍逛。從來都不覺得自己方向感強（其中一個最大的原因為甚麼我沒有去學車），但每一晚回酒店都會認得路。從來都不覺得自己獨立，但又盲摸摸在新加玻玩了五日四夜。從來都不覺得自己會一個人去旅行，但因為想要出走，想去見一個交心的好朋友，就去了。Plannning到Execution從來都可以很簡單直接。

今趟旅遊的確試了很多的第一次。
因為想慳錢，所以住在某四星（其實係三星？）酒店的basement，一抵埗才發現沒有窗的房間真的蠻depressing。第一晚一熄燈，成間房全黑，你幾何住在香港既時候瞓覺間房會全黑，我本身不怕黑，都驚了一陣子才能夠入睡。
第一次在早上的繁忙時間與當地人同檯吃早餐，偷看旁邊的女士如何吃她的早餐，吃poached eggs會加豉油！？是很Asian的吃法吧！當地奶茶好好味，絲滑濃香，享受那份早餐的時間是長了一點，好像有受到正在等位的白領一族白眼，我明白打工仔返工早上的時間都是分秒必爭，唯有把那杯奶茶外帶，一邊逛街一邊享受吧。
第一次在動物園摸過海獅與海豚，北極熊與企鵝「真人」都好可愛！第一次去夜間開放的動物園，喜歡動物的我，樂了一整天。第一次騎大笨象，誰知是我比較論盡，「上馬」的時候怕弄痛大笨象，結果是自己撞瘀了腳，瘀青了好幾日。
第一次落ladies night clubbing，入場費、酒錢甚麼也不用付，喝了幾杯溝到很稀的Singapore Sling，不是飲了很多啦。哈，Ok，其中一間club的bartender好好人，偷偷的把我們的cocktail換了Tequila啦。反正不是喝了很多，足夠知道自己發生咩事，have fun and enjoy the moment。第一次落club跳舞跳到上人地個stage上面，I know，好誇張。我想我是天生屬於舞台的啦，哈哈哈。(-_-v)反正就是不知從何來的guts，不過have fun是真的啦，很盡興。


是時候，講一講Local food，除了Laksa、肉骨茶一試難忘之外，在Universal Studio重遇以前在加拿大theme park都會吃到的churros，也讓我樂了大半天。講多都係無謂，無去過新加玻在當地小吃店吃地道的食物，在香港是怎樣也不會找到的啦。自己去一趟，試一試，最實際。


新加玻人大多比香港人友善，城市節奏慢一點。
不趕時間，我卻在人家的地鐵站衝鋒陷陣式的急步走，回頭一看，友人正在趕上我的步伐。


新加玻，妳讓我停下來，好好享受了一個短途旅程。


甚麼事也可以在這個地方發生，有誰不想在這一夜、某一處，誰和誰。

來，給我一杯Singapore Sling。


喝了以後，從此不管。