Begin Again

So here it goes, I have stopped writing for quite some time indeed, excluding the script I had to write for church in my dusty room when home was undergoing renovation so then I wrote about a typical family fight and sparks within it. There is so much that I wanted to say tonight, after watching the movie – Begin Again, it aroused a part of me which has not been called upon for so long as in not finding the time to recognize the irreplaceable joy I get from reading, writing, dancing and just enjoying every single bit of it, despite few people around me understand it anyway.

I rushed back home just to gather all the bits and pieces I have been getting these days, opened a bottle of my favourite Somersby Apple Cider just because I would always feel at ease during writing if I get to munch away. There were so many reasons why I have stopped writing and they were just excuses in the end and all my playwright course homework were literally just crap, I didn’t know what I was writing, what I wanted to write, what did I want to say. Just because I had so many doubts about myself.  I always find this peace state of mind expressing myself in English rather in my mother language Chinese. So as the project for next year is approaching (I did intend to rest more before wanting to start this), I will have to translate the script of reasons to be pretty by Neil LaBute for next year’s production so I started to read Neil’s previous work on the train today. He talked about his experience as his first story was put on stage, some audience angrily shouting ‘kill the playwright’ and he realized how his work would put such a response out there and realized how important it was for him to continue to exceed in this artistic education and polish his literature work. Then I realized that I was smiling, reading this little prologue of himself. What magic can your work do to people, how this exceptional joy of writing should be your motivation at all times, to never stop, never stop looking back at mostly crap work honestly, and just having yourself to challenge yourself and keep going. Then I asked myself why did I stop writing, why have I stopped doing something that I love just because of someone commenting “I don’t see talent in your work”. Then I thought of my companion from drama production who has been on-and-off endlessly trying to get me start writing again, in his words, “just start writing”. Oh yea, I wrote “let go as in just let go” sometime ago, then why can’t I just “write as in just start writing”.

I think I have always liked movies which talks about lost souls finding each other, healing in the process, especially when you are in a big city, hearts colliding. I live in a big city, lost city, found myself lost at times. I never thought that Keira Knightley and Mark Ruffalo would make such a good combo, not saying that there aren’t any better combinations out there, some parts of the story were rough yet the timings and chemistry between characters were very exact and naturally delivered. Even though Adam might not be good at acting but the soundtrack was just simply too good, the heartfelt feeling you need when you walk out of the theatre. This is all you need, at least all I need to get inspired again, motivated in doing something I love. Dance with your favourite music playing in the club, watch a good movie and shed some good tears, see the people you love and give them a warm hug, genuinely like someone for who they are, anticipate the future ahead as you meet some more companions along the way, read work from your favorite playwright, treat yourself a decent cup of coffee after a long jog, look up to see the clear blue sky that you have ignored for so long because you were too troubled by your own problems. Look past these murky times. You will, you will get there, as you look ahead, walk towards the road, never lose faith as I believe sincerity and passion will take you far. It will take you to someone who feels exactly the same as you do, allow this big heart of yours to give and continue to give more.

So here this is, a piece of me as I tried to pick up myself here and there, at times when life seems chaotic, draining, tiring, frustrating. Keep calm and dream on. It’s just a step I cannot take back.


As I was wearing my favourite starred pattern skirt (okay, I admit it was a bit too short) and denim jacket today, listening to Begin Again’s soundtrack when I was rushing back home, trying to get in front of a computer so that I can start typing, it’s ok to feel broken or upset at times, recognize that all these feelings are not worthless but it has let you become such a person today and continue to experience this life of yours which will bring you whenever to wherever.



Let yourself become someone who you are truly capable of being.




Please don't see just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies.
Please see me reaching out for someone I can't see.
Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow.
Best laid plans; sometimes are just a one night stand.
I'll be damned; Cupid's demanding back his arrow.
So let's get drunk on our tears.

[Chorus]
And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young.
It's hunting season and this lamb is on the run.
We're searching for meaning...
But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?


[Verse 2]
Who are we? Just a speck of dust within the galaxy.
'Woe is me' if we're not careful turns into reality.
Don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow.
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer.
Turn the page; maybe we'll find a brand new ending.
Where we're dancing in our tears.

[Chorus]
And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young.
It's hunting season and this lamb is on the run.
We're searching for meaning...
But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?

[Bridge]
I thought I saw you out there crying...
I thought I heard you call my name...
I thought I heard you out there crying...
But just the same...

[Chorus]
And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young.
It's hunting season and this lamb is on the run.
Searching for meaning...
But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?
Are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?